You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
