How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
