Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
