Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
