You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
