We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
