dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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