shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
