We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
