is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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