She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
