PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
