it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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