sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
