i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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