I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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