i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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