Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
