God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
