didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
