if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do herpes really smell.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
