why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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