We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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