throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
