He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
