I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
