Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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