I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
