Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize