so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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