I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
