don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
