I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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