Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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