My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize