You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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