are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
