sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
