Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
