u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize