I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
