i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think i have herpe
just one?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
