Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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