she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
