Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize