we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
