The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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