Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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