I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
