I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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