I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
