So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
