I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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