I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
