Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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