I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
