I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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