so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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