Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
