Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
