my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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