You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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