the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
