her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
