I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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