You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
