Define "chronic" masturbator.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
