Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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