If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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