apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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