i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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