Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
