Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
