when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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