Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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