I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
