ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
